Ravenous Curiosity: The dark side of the moon

Boundless Curiosity: one of the hallmarks of the “gifted.” It is the catalyst for the greatest discoveries. It is mysterious and glamorous, like the moon to the ancients, it is almost magical. But there is a dark side to this magic. Ravenous curiosity knows no bounds. It takes no vacations. It refuses to “know its place.” For the one possessed by it, there is no rest. When she is tired, instead of sleeping, she wonders how tiredness works, she researches the effects on the body, she reads on how the brain works during sleep, she wonders if any one has done a study on a question she that was sparked by the last study she read. Then she wonders why she is still awake reading and if anyone else has as much trouble stopping their curiosity as she does and starts scouring the internet yet again to find this answer. She cannot just be tired. She must observe, dissect, classify and categorize tired.

When she is sad she wonders what sadness is. She contemplates why we get sad (not the most proximate cause- the root cause), she wonders what it benefits humanity to be sad and why. She looks up all the ways people cope with sadness, she asks herself how she is coping with sadness, then wonders what studies have been done about the effects of various coping mechanisms. Then, when she is exhausted by the sadness she wonders how sadness can cause such exhaustion and starts looking that up. She cannot just be sad, she must understand every face of it.

And when the ravenous curiosity has nothing to more consume it turns on its host, thrusting her into depression, loneliness, anger, and fear. But even here there is no rest. She cannot just be any of these. She must turn them over and over and over until she has seen every last detail. She must put them under a microscope then hold them up to the stars to understand their function. She must place them in the corridors of time and analyze them from every direction. She must place them on every location on the globe and understand them from every cultural perspective. She must do this with everything until her body cries “uncle” and all her members stage a coup to shut her eyes in relief. In her dreams she prays that when she wakes, she will be on the other side of the moon.

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Getting Things Done/ The Trouble with Perfectionism

I am a recovering perfectionist. This is me with no makeup and my crazy hair, that will never do anything I want, just as I am right now sitting in this chair writing.

IMG_0634As I sit here, I have 22 post drafts I have not published because they need to be edited more. This may be true. They may really need some editing because I have a tendency to restate things several times in slightly different ways. To me, this is coloring in fine shades of the picture, but to most this is rambling and not getting to the point. I write and re-write trying to say things the perfect, most concise and impactful way, but when have I arrived? And when am I just stalling because perhaps I am a bit afraid to put my thoughts out there for the world to read? In my head I hear pretty much everyone I have ever known’s perspective and reaction to my writing as I write it, and I feel the need to respond to all of these comments before anyone makes them. But this is the internet, you probably didn’t come to this blog looking got read a thesis.

So, from now on I am putting it out there. I have things to say and they are not doing anyone any good sitting on my computer where no one can read them or react to them. I will not answer all objections upfront and qualify everything. So please bear with my a little if I get a bit redundant, and feel free to use the comments to pick on my spelling, grammar, ideas or my hair…