Why Gifted Kids Need to Be Allowed to Race Ahead

No road runners allowed in school

Hello, Enthusiastic Gifted Child, meet Communist School. You are going to be best friends. Here is your bright new backpack with a cool pencil-case and notebook. See you at graduation. :^)

If you are behind the average, you have a legitimate, recognized special need and great care is taken to meet that need and make sure you don’t feel bad about yourself for being who you are or fall into depression. Your needs are important.

If you are faster than the average. You are meeting the minimum expectation and therefore do not have a legitimate special need. No care is taken to make sure you don’t feel bad about yourself or get depressed. In fact, you are an overachiever, a pain in the neck, an exhausting burden no one has time for because they are too busy making sure the slow ones can catch up. Equality is the key, you see. “You are done already! Well, go help Johnny.”

Some kids who are behind act out because of it. Some kids who are ahead do. Some kids who are behind fall into a self loathing depression, some kids who are ahead do. The kids who act out are most likely to be noticed. So I want to focus on the ones that get missed; the “good ones,” the “quiet ones”, the introverts who won’t tell you what is going on. They need you (parents and teachers) to see them and help them just as badly.

Gifted kids have an insatiable curiosity and need for speed. This is not a luxury. It is a need! Yes, yes it is. Like a person needs food or a car needs gas. If you don’t get food, you wither away and die. When you don’t feed gifted kids or allow them to feed themselves, you starve them.

sign no road runners allowed

When you direct their “extra” time and energy at helping others you starve them and teach them that their own needs are less important than the needs of others. You teach them, they may be starving, but they may eat only when all others have been fed because, of course, YOU don’t think they SHOULD be starving. After all, they ate the same amount as the others did. That is like saying, “teenage boy, you ate the same amount as your 90-year-old grandma. How could you still be hungry?! You are just being gluttonous.” This is akin to abuse, people!

Just because YOU can’t imagine eating a whole pizza yourself then looking for more food does not mean he does not need that much food. Stop judging him by your point of view. Try to see.

Communist Schools, if you let this child go at his own pace and feed and nourish him, he may cause an uncomfortable revolution. But, he may save your life as well. If you hold him back and teach him his needs are worthless and he is worth less than others he will eventually believe it. He will not grow up a healthy adult able to care for his own needs, and will not cause that uncomfortable revolution, and will not save your life.

Gifted children need to be allowed to race ahead. If you can’t handle this yourself, please figure out another way to make this happen.

Ah, Emaciated Depressed Child, congratulations, here is your diploma! You lost your backpack? Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Anyway, welcome to the rest of your life! I am so glad we could be a part of preparing you for it. :^)

no road runners allowed

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Ravenous Curiosity: The dark side of the moon

Boundless Curiosity: one of the hallmarks of the “gifted.” It is the catalyst for the greatest discoveries. It is mysterious and glamorous, like the moon to the ancients, it is almost magical. But there is a dark side to this magic. Ravenous curiosity knows no bounds. It takes no vacations. It refuses to “know its place.” For the one possessed by it, there is no rest. When she is tired, instead of sleeping, she wonders how tiredness works, she researches the effects on the body, she reads on how the brain works during sleep, she wonders if any one has done a study on a question she that was sparked by the last study she read. Then she wonders why she is still awake reading and if anyone else has as much trouble stopping their curiosity as she does and starts scouring the internet yet again to find this answer. She cannot just be tired. She must observe, dissect, classify and categorize tired.

When she is sad she wonders what sadness is. She contemplates why we get sad (not the most proximate cause- the root cause), she wonders what it benefits humanity to be sad and why. She looks up all the ways people cope with sadness, she asks herself how she is coping with sadness, then wonders what studies have been done about the effects of various coping mechanisms. Then, when she is exhausted by the sadness she wonders how sadness can cause such exhaustion and starts looking that up. She cannot just be sad, she must understand every face of it.

And when the ravenous curiosity has nothing to more consume it turns on its host, thrusting her into depression, loneliness, anger, and fear. But even here there is no rest. She cannot just be any of these. She must turn them over and over and over until she has seen every last detail. She must put them under a microscope then hold them up to the stars to understand their function. She must place them in the corridors of time and analyze them from every direction. She must place them on every location on the globe and understand them from every cultural perspective. She must do this with everything until her body cries “uncle” and all her members stage a coup to shut her eyes in relief. In her dreams she prays that when she wakes, she will be on the other side of the moon.

The Long Bag We Drag Behind Us

Behind us we have an invisible bag, and the part of us our parents don’t like, we, to keep our parent’s love, put in the bag… Then we do a lot of bag stuffing in high school… We spend our life until we’re twenty deciding what parts of ourselves to put into the bag, and we spend the rest of our lives trying to get them out again… ~ Robert Bly

I read this quote from Robert Bly’s book, “The Long Bag We Drag Behind Us” in “Enjoying the Gift of Being Uncommon: Extra Intelligent, Intense, and Effective” by Willem Kuipers. Kuipers’ book is incredible and I highly recommend reading it, especially if you are an extra intelligent or extra intense person who usually sees all the negatives of that and none of the positives, but maybe I will tell you about that book another day. Today I just wanted to share this quote and encourage you all not to get overwhelmed at all the things in the bag. Pick one thing. Work on it.

“Have you hears of tiny Melinda Mae? Who ate a monstrous whale… And in eighty-nine year she ate that whale because she said she would.” -Shel Silverstein

I would quote you more of this favorite childhood poem, but I don’t know all the ins and outs of copyright law, so I will leave the copyright infringement to others. But look it up, it’s easy to find the whole poem online.

This post contains an affiliate link. I wouldn’t link if I didn’t really like it, otherwise I would be shooting myself in the foot. If you like what I write about please consider helping me write more by purchasing through this link. Everyone has to eat, right?

The 3 Big Threats to Women in STEM are Wrong

STEM Women
STEM Women

As a woman inclined toward math and science who probably should have pursued a related career, I find myself perpetually compelled to read articles on the problem of women in STEM careers or the gender gap. However, every time I read another article I am aggravated at encountering the same dumb reasons for the problem. Today it was this article in Scientific American Mind: “Women on the Verge: The Perks of Being a Female Scientist.” Here are their “Big Three Threats” to women in STEM:

  1. The Math Myth
  2. Stereotype Threat
  3. Implicit Bias

Their point was that overcoming adversity and stereotypes makes people more creative thinkers, which is beneficial to women scientists. All over the internet and in gender gap research these three challenges are touted as the major players responsible for the decline in female interest in STEM as girls get older. Here is the part where I sound totally unsympathetic to the plight of women in STEM. (If what I am about to say offends you, please hang on and read the next paragraph before you write me off completely.) Boo Hoo Hoo! Let’s cry about it! Someone doesn’t believe in me! Women, come on! Getting behind all these studies that say these are the reasons we don’t enter STEM fields makes us look like weak little princesses who need to eat off silver platters and can’t handle at little adversity because we might break a nail. Now, I am willing to bet, if you are a STEM inclined girl/woman, this probably does not describe you well at all. So let’s stop letting people describe us that way. It makes me mad, how about you? We need to talk more about the real struggle – the hardest one for us to overcome. The one that really knocks us out of the ring.

For those I might have offered in the previous paragraph, here is the part where I sound more reasonable. These “big three” offenders are real, and they do have an impact on us. They make STEM careers for women and uphill battle, to be sure. We face many challenges that males do not necessarily face. For young girls, paying attention to these factors in critical. “Train up a child in the way (s)he should go, even when (s)he is old (s)he will not depart from it.” All children are like soft clay, they will take the form you give them. This can be changed once the clay is hardened, but only by smashing the piece to dust, reconstituting it, then reforming it. Or if you take the analogy of a tree, bent when it is young, it simply cannot, when it is old, be made to change course. So, yes, world, please work on making life more fair.

However, if these popular reasons are not what really keep women out of STEM fields, what is? Hold on to your seats. I am really going to shock you here. The reason there are so few women in STEM careers is because we are women? We have uteri and breasts. That means biology has decreed we are the ones designed to carry the young of our species around in our bodies, give birth, then nurse and care for them until they are weaned. This takes an extended period of time and a lot out of us. This is the strict biology of the situation; a biological imperative. That means this is what we are hard wired to do.

Now in the world of humans, what we actually do with respect to feeding, weaning and care of young children after they are born varies for as many reasons as there are women and I intend no judgment to working or formula feeding mothers by what I said above. I am simply highlighting that we are the ones most naturally equipped to raise the young of our species, and we have in innate desire to do so.

This is the one hurdle many women cannot overcome, because it is not about strength of character, it is about a heart wrenching choice between two loves. Many women choose between pursuing a career in a field they love or having children, or they must choose between investing less than 100% of their time in that career or in their children. They face the unfortunate reality of the finitude of a lifetime and no matter what choice they make, they will likely feel guilty about whichever work they have left undone and sadness over whichever love they have neglected. From the first time a girl is asked what she wants to be when she grows up she is forced to started weighing careers against motherhood and determining their compatibility and which she wants more. It is at this point the “big three” enter the ring and start throwing their weight around.

So what can be done?

For some, maybe nothing. They cannot be enticed into STEM careers. The biological imperative wins, and as mothers they will likely share their love of math and science with their children, hoping to inspire them.

For others, employers can make a difference. They can stop equating part-time with half-a$$ed. They should recognize that women bring a valuable alternative perspective to problems, and do anything they can to make hours and locations more flexible. They need to see these women as just as serious about their work as their male counterparts. Having so little time to spread around to all they love, they are more motivated to make excellent use of every second. The more employers make it possible for women to work in STEM fields and raise their children at the same time, the more you will see women go into STEM despite the ‘big three”.

Women working in these fields now and missing your kids or feeling guilty over the time you are away from them, you are the ones in the best position to fight to make your life better and open the way for girls after you.

Men with children, how many survive on pictures of your kids texted by your wife during the day? You get ready and leave for work when they get up, and come home tired when they are almost ready for bed. How much of their childhood has slipped away? How many special events have you missed because your work is not flexible? Many of you are in the best positions to advocate for family friendly, flexible work environments. Fight to give your daughters their Daddies back and pave the way for them to show the world how brilliant they are.

 

Learning to Write

You sit attentively in a small chair, pencil poised in hand. The paper, angled properly on the desk in front of you as you have been instructed, is the kind with dots down the middle of each line to show you how tall your “i” should be. And be sure your “t” only goes 2/3 of the way up. Why is there no dotted line to show me how tall to make my “t”? It’s the paper with the big, open space at the top so you can be creative and draw a picture to go with your words. The strange adult at the front of the room now gives you the assignment. It’s a simple one. “Draw a picture of what you want to be when you grow up and write a few sentences about why.” If your pencil remains thoughtfully poised in the air as you watch the papers around you fill with careers, the compassionate lady at the front will suggest a wonderful list of things you can be… a firefighter, a doctor, a teacher, an artist. Reach for the stars and be an astronaut. Can I be honest when I grow up? Can I be a peace maker? Can I be human? Silly girl, your letters are all the wrong size.